


Beyond

by FOMO



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst and Tragedy, Anxiety Attacks, Betrayal, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Character Development, Clear the table, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Romance, F/M, First Time, Fluff, Gore, Guns, Hurt, I swear there's an actual plot lol, Negan is a potty mouth, Not just a fuck fic, Older Man/Younger Woman, PTSD, Profanity, Romance, Sex, Slow Burn, Smut, Strong Female Characters, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, Tragedy, Violence, Virginity, Zombies, bad words, curse words, cuz theres gonna be some kink, hard decisions, kiss, shit will hit the fan, spoiler warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-07
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-12 14:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11738712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FOMO/pseuds/FOMO
Summary: There are two choices in this world; live and take risks, or die with certainty.A fresh start. That's all Ophelia wanted; a chance. She thought if she had a fresh start she'd be able to forget all of it; all the horrors of her past. She thought Rick's group would be her fresh start, the cure to the illness of her nightmares; a chance and reason to fight and live in this world rather than to die not trying. Daryl is one of the many to give her a chance, a comfort to the nightmares she has on a daily basis.But just when everything seems to come together, the group runs into Negan, who gives them two choices; work for him and he takes half of their supplies, or they all die. Negan gives the group these choices, but Ophelia suggests a third.Amidst walkers, liars, and mental games, moral and ethic can easily be clouded with the desire, whether it be to live or lust.





	1. Ch. 1: Gum

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoy! 
> 
> Italics= Ophelia's thoughts
> 
> Bold= Special Perspective
> 
> *_____* Italic= Past memory / flashback quote

_Beyond the borders and confinements of a wall,_

_there is good that resides in us all_

 

_*Such an ugly habit for someone as sweet as you.*_

 

A vacant memory of the past came back to me. I always detested cigarettes, yet her I was, smoking. I held the hypocrisy to my lips, and it tasted just fine on me. I guess this is what the apocalypse does to you; it can make you the person you never wanted to be. Or rather, I think surviving in this world made people be their true selves in a sense of a whole bunch of fucked up. But this world definitely was shitty, and it was shitty before all hell broke loose.

 

* _You might develop an ugly habit like me, too, once you grow up, Ophelia.*_

 

This world breathed and bore hypocrites, as well as murderers, sociopaths, rapists, liars, and many more. I was not an exception. I had killed and lied to get where I was today. I gained certain qualities the past me would hate. But I was not who I was before all this, no longer a sweet, innocent young girl. This world bred me to be strong. And who was to judge me? The reasons behind why I killed doesn’t stray too far from the norm.

The cigarette continued to burn between my fingers as I held it in my left hand, brushing my right hand through my hair and pushing the strands behind my ear. I brought the cigarette to my lips and inhaled, exhaling soon after letting the smoke from out of my mouth.

I stood on the lush green yard of the house I stayed in which was shared with some of the rest of my group. I rarely smoked, surprising myself to have taken up the death stick since I used to be so appalled by the smell, the way it lingered on your clothes and on your breath, the smell; distinct and disgusting. Yet here I was, smoking away my worries like the hypocrite I was for previously hating them.

I exhaled, a tapered gray puff came out from my lips, my eyes closed. The smoke rolled effortlessly out of my lips, the cigarette still burning scarlet red between my fingers. Moments like these rained, watered down melancholy that was now only a distant memory of the past that I knew I couldn’t go back to. I sighed the thousandth time today as I tapped my finger lightly on the end of my cigarette and inhaled again.

 

_I can see how people get addicted to these. Repetition is relaxing and distracting; maybe if I keep on doing this I’ll be a little bit more laid back, I need a good distraction nowadays._

 

But from what? What did I need a distraction from? No, it wasn’t the dead ones that roamed outside the confined walls of Alexandria, being out there for so long made taking them out easy, less of a threat I had thought they were compared to in the beginning. Maybe I needed a distraction from the people in here. The people that were here before my group got here were sickeningly ignorant and maybe too relaxed. The way most of these people acted made me uneasy. Gabriel insisted my unease was due to the unfamiliarity of having walls to protect us now, the weird feeling of relief to not have to worry as much compared to before.

Maybe I was uncomfortable BEING so comfortable, this feeling of being laid back was such a foreign feeling now. It had been so long since the last time the whole group was able to enjoy their time doing hobbies or jobs rather than NEEDING to go out and scavenge.

This thing they had here at Alexandria was great, even though these people weren’t as knowledgeable about the world beyond these walls, those who wouldn’t make it out there surely made a difference in this community, even as having as small as a job as cleaning, everyone contributed in some way. Everyone had a part no matter how small it was. But my constant thinking of how great this place was didn’t stop me from always going back to the thought of leaving. This place was great, the people were great, the thing they had going on here was amazing, but I didn’t really know how I fit in all of this.

I always had a job out there beyond these walls, a place that I fit into the group to keep us safe. But what was I now? I felt misplaced among the community here, my only job was to sit my days away now and write or paint, but everything just didn’t feel _right_. Rick made it his decision to not allow me on runs beyond the walls, to which Rosita argued furiously for me that it was a waste for me not going out there. That’s what I always loved about Rosita, we spent together so much time together since the first time I met her, it always felt like I knew her all my life when we had only known each other for such a short span of time. Yet there she was, she understood how I felt about not being able to contribute. She always knew right away what I thought, though trying to guess what she was thinking was a whole other challenge on it's own.

We could always tell what the other thought, we trusted each other to share enough information about ourselves to the other and that’s how we became so close.

Though Rosita had spoke up for me before I could, Rick made it official. And there was really no arguing with him when he made a decision. He had explained that he wanted me to stay inside Alexandria just in case something happened while everyone else was on a supply run, which made some sense, but it still made me upset. I didn't argue with him, knowing my words trying to convince him would be futile. I came to understand Rick made his decision out of a thought of better judgement and that he always had a reason for what he did. I trusted his decision to not have me out on runs whether I liked the idea or not.

I exhaled again, more puffs of smoke escaping my lips as I closed my eyes in deep thought, remembering the first time we came to Alexandria.

**_/Flashback (Third Person Point of View)_ **

 

“It’s okay, come on in, guys.”

 

The group went into Alexandria, escorted by Aaron. Houses scattered among the area on streets, people loitering around on lush green grass yards. Some people were talking, working, and laughing. This place seemed too good to be true.

 

“Before we take this any further, I need you all to turn over your weapons.”

 

Everyone was hesitant to turn over their weapons, but all of them complied eventually. Ophelia looked at the pile of weapons on the table in front of her, she looked back at Daryl and Michonne to see them both nod slowly. Sighing heavily, she took the two baston sticks from behind her back and piled them on the table. The whole group eyed her, expectantly waiting for Ophelia to finish putting the rest of the weapons she had down onto the table. She looked at all of them in confusion.

 

“Oh yeah! Sorry, I forgot about  _those_ too.”

 

She took out the gun that she had holstered on her right thigh, plopping it down beside her baston sticks. Smiling softly, she made her way back to where she originally stood only to be halted by Glenn, motioning towards her boots. A small and confused frown formed on her mouth, raising an eyebrow as to what he meant.

 

“You’re gonna need to give them those…”

 

“Oh yeah, yeah…. Yeah…”

 

Ophelia blushed in slight embarrassment now as she reached down to her combat boots and took out the two daggers sheathed in both boots and put them on the table. Looking down at her boots, she slowly made her way back beside Michonne as Abraham laughed heartily beside her at her forgetfulness. Michonne sighed heavily, but a small smile formed at the corner of her lips as she shook her head at Ophelia.

 

“If I do remember correctly, I think you have more weapons to hand over Mags.”

 

Ophelia looked at Michonne as she raised her eyebrow in confusion and tilted her head in questioning. Michonne looked at Ophelia with a raised brow as she rested herself on her right leg, arms crossed over her midsection in waiting. Ophelia placed her gloved right hand on her chin, still very much confused whilst tilting her head slightly in her palms. Sasha walked over towards Ophelia while snickering and pointed to her chest then motioned towards the table with a raised brow.

 

“I have no idea what you guys are suggesting in all honesty, I don’t have anymore-”

 

Just as she stood up straighter in annoyance, she felt a small shift in her bra and blushed as she remembered the other weapon she had hid away and rarely used. Ophelia blushed a deeper shade of red, damning herself to have forgotten about the other weapon she concealed and becoming even more embarrassed at the fact everyone else was now staring at her chest with amusement or confusion.

 

“Oh yeah, sorry. I always forget about THAT one.”

 

Timidly, Ophelia reached into her shirt baby blue crew neck shirt and took out a very small switchblade from underneath her bra, making her way over again to the table stacked with weapons and placed it onto the table. Everyone in the group chuckled at her once more but not for the last time today as she made her way back beside Michonne once again as she hung her head low, trying to somehow mask the embarrassment she felt as Abraham laughed and pointed at her while holding his stomach. He made no effort to hold back how funny he thought her poor memory was.

 

“Shut up, old man, you’re one to talk with your crappy ol’ memory.”

 

Ophelia frowned up at Abraham, her eyes narrowed at him as he chuckled.

 

“My memories great last time I checked Mags, and oh yeah, seems your horrible ass memory forgets about what  _you_  just did. Oh wait, I mean, what  _you_  just  _forgot_.”

 

Abraham laughed whole heartedly this time as he scrunched down to laugh as his own joke while holding his stomach in fake mock to contain his laughter. Ophelia frowned up at him and grew a darker shade of red, her face burning up as she clenched her fists at her sides. The previous tense mood now lessened with the banter between the two, even earning a small smile from Rosita, who was previously pissed at having to give up her weapons. It seemed like moments like these that the group forgot about the world around them.

 

_/Flashback (End)_

 

I shook my head at the memory, a small blush burning my cheeks as I remember the one memory I had tried so hard to forget but couldn’t. I found a fondness for the memories I created with them even though most were of me embarrassing myself in front of them, I always found myself looking back at the memories and cherished those moments. The cigarette in my hand continues to burn in my fingers as I stared down at it, suddenly not feeling as tense as before. Just as I was about to throw the cigarette away, Daryl approached me, seemingly heading from the front gates from the run he went on. He now stood beside me eyeing the ground beneath us as if it had suddenly become way more interesting than it actually was. A simper formed on my lips as I took out the pack of cigarettes in my shorts pocket and extended the pack towards him.

 

“Want one?”

 

Daryl nodded, grabbing the pack from my hands and took out the last cigarette from inside. He frowned at the cigarette, taking some time in deep thought for some reason I didn’t know of.

 

“‘This the last one?”

 

I laughed as I took the now empty pack into my pocket again as I nodded.

 

“Does it seem like it, Daryl Dixon? I thought someone as skilled as you at tracking would be able to deduce that I have no more cigarettes based on the obvious information that you can’t see any more cigarettes in my pack.”

 

He glared at me as I laughed and a small smile formed on his lips. He looked down at the cigarette again in deep thought, still smiling. He took out a lighter from his pocket, lighting the end of it before bringing it to his lips and inhaling, and exhaling in a long puff of smoke. He then took another long drag, exhaling again in deep thought.

It always seemed like Daryl was always in deep thought around me, me not reading too much into it because he was always a man for a few words. During times like these when he was in deep thought with me dazing out beside him, enjoying his company, I sometimes found myself wondering what was going on in that brain of his; what was he thinking? Though my questions were always answered with a shrug and him always looking away from me. I assumed he just wanted company but preferred not of the conversation I could offer, so I always just stood or sat beside him, enjoying the sun that rained beams of warmth on my skin. I closed my eyes, the warmth making me starting to drift into sleep as I sat beside him on the grass, his gaze away from mine. Quiet moments like these were enjoyable as they were, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

“When did’ya start smoking?”

 

My eyes slowly opened to look over at him, his face looking away from mine as he finished off his cigarette and flicked it onto the sidewalk in front of us. I pulled my knees together in front of myself, my back facing away from him and I hooked my hands around my legs and rested my head on the top of them.

 

“I think recently, can’t really remember exactly when or where.”

 

“Why did’ya start?”

 

He now faced me, his eyes looking into mine now in honest curiosity and something else I couldn’t decipher.

 

“Dunno. It’s relaxing. It’s the only thing I can get my hands on to relieve some stress. ‘

 

“Pick a different one.”

 

I looked at him in confusion.

 

“What?”

 

He looked at me, his body now facing mine as he mimicked my position without his head resting on his knees.

 

“Pick a different stress reliever or pass time. You really shouldn't be smoking.”

 

I scoffed. The only reason I smoked was because there wasn’t any other choice or alternative to them since I never went outside the walls anymore.

 

“Pffft, I have no other way of getting something else. All the storage has is cigarettes and it’s not like I can go out and scavenge for something else.”

 

I tuck my head in my knees further, my face now looking away from him. Our friendship started since the beginning,me joining the group not long after he was there. People said he didn’t talk too much, yet every now and then he sought me out to talk. He would acknowledge me for taking out walkers efficiently and effectively, keeping it short, but it was a compliment I would proudly take. Maybe that’s why I became suddenly upset at him, if he knew I was a good asset to the group, why hadn’t he spoke up to Rick about me staying inside the walls and not going out? I would’ve vouched for him easily too in a heartbeat if the same situation came upon him.

I heard a rustle beside him, though I couldn’t make out what it was. I raised my head and faced Daryl again, this time he faced me fully now with his legs crossed beneath him and a a green plastic wrapping trying to be hidden between both of his hands that was placed in his lap.

 

“‘Noticed you starting picking up the habit, so ‘looked for somethin’ else you might be able to replace it with. ‘Always thought smokin’ wasn't meant for someone like you…”

 

Daryl now extended his hands toward me, a rectangular plastic wrapping encased a green package of extra mint gum. My eyes widened and I smiled. I hesitantly took it from him, my hands briefly brushing against his. He blushed slightly, his eyes staring into mine behind his dark brown hair that fell around his face. He then looked away from me while he rubbed the back of his neck.

 

“I went out and got those today, found ‘em in the store we scavenged in. There were more there, but I couldn’t grab it since we had to go. Thought you might like it.”

 

I looked at the package in my ends, a big smile forming on my face as I looked at him. I still sat on the grass with the gum package in my hands, but now Daryl was facing away from me and standing a couple feet away, his back turned towards me as he kept on rambling on.

 

“If ‘ya run out, I could always grab some more.”

 

He looked back at me now, my head slightly tilted downwards still gazing at the packaging. I looked up at him, waiting for him to continue talking, liking the way he felt a need to ramble and explain himself to me. It was nice hearing his voice more often. Our gazes met and he quickly turned back away from me, his voice becoming slightly hastened.

 

“Or if you don’t like it I could always get you something else-”

 

“No, no, thank you so much! I can’t remember the last time I had gum, or the last time someone got something for me…”

 

He stepped closer towards me his hands raised resting behind his neck, simpering to himself as he faced me, his face more visible now.

 

“‘Course you can’t remember the last time you had gum or someone got something for you.”

 

I slapped his arm playfully as he chuckled. I felt my cheeks burn as he continued to laugh. A big smile plastered itself onto my face. When was the last time had I heard Daryl laugh like this? We stood there for a while smiling like idiots, the bright sun shining down on us, making my face more red from the heat. I looked down at the gum, the plastic lightly crinkling in my hands as I began to speak.

 

“I really do appreciate you getting this for me. It means a lot, maybe more than you know.”

 

And it did mean a great deal to me, though it made me feel guilty to think Daryl had went out there facing danger while finding something  _for me._ It made me cherish this small pack of gum he gave me.

My gaze went from the package in my hands to look up at Daryl. His eyes widened suddenly and he looked away, taking a couple steps away from me, wiping his forearm across his face. I smiled at timid reaction, it was always easy to talk to him, to interact with him like this. I stepped up behind him, my arms wrapping around him in a hug. He tensed in my arms, freezing up at my sudden contact. I let go, he turned around and surveyed my face as if to look for another meaning behind my actions. His hands fell at his sides and found their way to his jean pockets, my smile never faltering as I looked at him.

 

“It wasn’t any trouble, I can get ‘ya more if ‘ya want…”

 

“Yeah, if it’s no trouble for you.”

 

“‘Nothing’s trouble if it’s for you-”

 

My face was on fire now, and Daryl was quick to notice as his face burned a little redder than usual. Another voice interrupted our interaction.

 

“Daryl! Rick’s asking if-”

 

We both turned to face Michonne who was now looking at me then back at Daryl, a smirk formed on her face.

 

“Ahhh I see. Well, Rick needs to talk to you, meet over by the gates in three.”

 

Michonne winked at me then made her way down the street heading towards the gates.

 

“Guess that’s your que. I’ll talk to you later Daryl. Thanks, again…”

 

My voice trailed off, a sudden wave of disappointment that I couldn’t spend more time with Daryl washed over me. He frowned towards where Michonne went, then looked at me.

 

“No problem. I’ll see ‘ya later tonight, right?”

 

I nodded and waved him off towards the front gates.

 

“I’d like that, but you better go see what Rick wants. I’ll go inside and take a nap for now.”

 

Daryl nodded and waved goodbye and I waved back. I made my way into my house, gum clutched in my right hand as my left hand went up to lay over my chest, my heart thumping loudly in my ears. I grinned, making my way up the stairs to my room. I grasped the doorknob in my left hand, pushing the door forward and quietly closing and locking the door behind me. I made my way over the my neatly folded bed and laid down, not bothering to pull the sheets over myself since it was too damn hot to do so today. My head rested against the pillows as I closed my eyes, the thoughts of Daryl’s thoughtfulness drifting into my slumber, though past memories drifted their way into my sleep, too.


	2. Comfort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ophelia has a nightmare of her past, of a time and place she wanted to forget. Daryl finds her to be shaken up after coming back from his talk with Rick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo! Some I come back with chapter two! Yay! God, this took me forever to write, but I was also started writing another story and I had limited internet access this month :/ But here it is! *excuse any grammatical errors, I will definitely come back and edit (I edited the draft, and I tried to make sure there wasn't any issues, but there's bound to be some :/) Anyways; enjoy!

_Beyond the borders and confinements of a wall,_

_There is good that resides in us all_

 

My hands felt wet, hands sticky and dirty with the strong smell of iron and the sight of a dark, black space. There was an aching feeling on my arms, legs, and stomach. My breathing was labored, each breath felt like a fight for air as if my lungs had decided to give up on me now, that this battle I had fought all my life was suddenly not worth fighting for anymore. My ears rang, the continuous sound of a loud buzz resonated and vibrated throughout my body, causing my hands to grasp my head tightly in an effort to comfort myself and it felt as if someone had stabbed the back of my hands as I tried comforting my aching head.

My eyes shut close, my mouth tasted like iron, the strong taste and smell of my blood clouded my senses. I found myself curled into a ball on the floor, my hands cradling my head, my whole body feeling cold as shivers stabbed my nerves, forcing my body to contort into a balled up shape. The buzzing sound stopped and now I only heard the sound of my heart thumping inside of my chest. I found my heartbeat somewhat reassuring, the one part of myself willing itself to continue living. My hands spasmed, loosening the vise like grip on my scalp and instead clawing at my stomach, a sudden burning erupting from the center of my body.

I  felt like a kettle left on the stove to steam and boil, a scream fighting its way through my throat but the sound not finding my ears, the sound of my heart pounding against my chest swallowed up the scream escaping me.

Suddenly, a bright white light illuminated the room I was in, my eyes immediately shutting at the sudden brightness, my head aching more than before due to the sudden change in the brightness I was in. The loud buzzing noise came back, this time stronger than before, all the pain below my chest suddenly stopping. But as soon as it stopped, it came rushing back, this time focusing all the needle-like pain into my ears. I gasped, my eyes still shut close as I lay limp, finding that trying to fight the pain only made it worse. I waited- waited for the pain to stop- for all of this, all of it, _everything_ to go away. I wanted this to stop, I wanted it all to go away. I tried to breath, finding it easier for my lungs to access air now as I heaved desperately in the hope of relieving the pressure in my chest. My chest felt heavy, all the pain below my chest now eased to a steady ache as I my breathing came in sudden jolts for air.

My eyes slowly opened, the bright light of the room becoming less intense as I strained my eyes to keep open. My eyes stared at the white ceiling above me, my back cold but clothed. Legs sprawled out, hands placed beside me, aching. I was in a medical nightgown. My hearing evened out,the buzzing now a low rumble. The next thing I knew, I heard footsteps. Out of the corners of my eyes, I saw a figure shift in my peripheral, the figure stepping towards me. As they stepped closer, I started to get a better view of the mysterious person.

This person was definitely female, appearing to have the physique of one.

 

_She had short shoulder length pitch black hair, a rounded face with piercing dark green eyes with flecks of brown._

 

That’s when the fear set in. My body began to shake, the same pain from before now erupted throughout my whole body. I felt like I was choking on the air I was trying to breath, a sob escaped my lips, my heart pounding at my chest as if it intended to rip out of my chest to escape this horrid mess. And then she spoke, her voice sending a chill throughout my spine which caused more pain on my lower back.

 

“Glad you’re awake!”

 

The words rolled off her tongue in an excited manorism, her lips curving into a sickening smile, her hands behind her back. Her eyes bore into mine, a childlike excitement brimming from them.

 

“ I _definitely_ wouldn’t want you passed out for this.”

 

Her grin didn’t falter, though her smile didn’t reach her eyes as she glared down at me, the menacing stance she had made me uneasy.

 

_She’s enjoying this._

 

I continued to sob, my vision was clear now and she stood before me.

 

_Why am I here?_

 

She swayed on one foot to the other, swaying between each foot as she grinned down at me.

 

_No, no, no, no, no-_

 

Fear enveloped me, a cold sensation running through my spine making me want to throw up. I felt suffocated under the look of violent excitement held in her eyes. All I saw was red as she stepped closer to me, brandishing the knife she had hidden behind her back, not once did the smile plastered on her face falter. My mind screamed for me to move, but my body could not. All the muscles in my body tensed, a numb sensation running through my arms and legs. She now loomed above me, a knife was now grasped in both her hands in a strong grip as she brought it slowly down into my left thigh, cutting into my flesh. The cut was shallow, but the pain stung my skin, an agonizing slow cut, her intentions clear she wanted me to _feel every second of it._

I could feel my left thigh being cut upwards from my knee. I could feel the blood trickle down my legs. My eyes shut open as I screamed, my throat burning. I screamed, I yelled, I felt weak. My body couldn’t move anymore. No matter how hard I tried to will my legs and arms to move, they wouldn’t. My eyes felt heavy as I closed them but then she harshly grasped my face making me look at her. I would never forget this monster, this demon, _this bitch._

 

“Don’t want you missing out on this! Keep your eyes open, I wanna see the look on your face while I carve you.”

 

I felt another slice being made on my right arm, the pain prolonged as she took her time sliding the knife upwards. My body lay limp. I couldn’t fight anymore.

 

“Hey.”

 

She cut deeper. My mouth pressed into a thin line, my eyes half lidded.

 

“Hey.”

 

Another cut. My eyes began to shut. All this pain, all the hurt; I didn’t want this. I never did anything to deserve this.

 

“HEY.”

 

An agonizing searing pain coursed through my right arm as she jabbed the knife straight through my left hand. My eyes shot open. I screamed, my throat raw.

 

“OPHELIA!”

 

* * *

 

My eyes shot open to see Daryl, his hand placed gently on my shoulder. I sat up, his arms leaving my shoulder as my eyes searched the room frankly. No one else was here. I was in my room, not _there_.

 

“Hey, ‘yer okay?”

 

My neck burned as if something was scratching at my neck, a searing burning sensation encompassed my throat. I brought my hands up to wrap around myself, gripping my arms as my fingers dug into my white-sleeved t-shirt, the fabric wrinkling in my grasp. I rubbed my arms, the pain no longer eminent, only scars in the places where it had been before.

 

_It all felt so real… why am… I here…?_

 

I rolled up my right arm sleeve looking down at all the marks, the bruises, _the damage._ The only signs I had ever lived that hell were the scars that were all over my body now. My body began to shake.

 

“You were shaking…”

 

_Why._

 

I clutched my head in my hands, my body curling into a ball. I felt the weight on the bed shift, feeling an arm wrapping around my shoulders holding me. A sudden frustration built inside of me, slowly increasing with each second in fear

 

_Why?_

 

I clutched my head, bringing my knees to my chest, my breathing became sporadic. I was trying to focus on my thought while maintaining my breathing, but all I could feel was panic and anger.

 

_Why?_

 

I felt my shoulders being gently squeezed. A distant voice called out my name, their words jumbled into an incoherent mess. I felt hysteric. It was all unfair. I had done nothing wrong. Why-

 

_Why-... had it been me?_

 

A voice interrupted my thoughts.

 

“Ophelia.”

 

I looked to my right. I stopped shaking, my heart thumping in my chest still as my arms loosened around myself. Daryl stared back at me, his blue-green eyes looked into mine. My lips slightly apart, my attention now focused on him as he let go of me.

 

“‘Yer okay?”

 

He coughed, his eyes averting down to my right arm. I suddenly became self-aware of my exposed right arm and swiftly pulled down my sleeve. I shifted my legs criss-crossed, facing him and folding my hands together in my lap, trying my best to now try to pull my shit together. I had completely forgotten he was there, the anger felt before as a roaring fire, now settled as small simmer.

This happened often; _the nightmares._ It always ended with the unbearable pain, the inability to sleep. But he didn’t have to know.

I nodded weakly. It was half-true; I was fine- “okay” as of this moment.

 

_But was I really?_

 

I averted his gaze, my eyes settling themselves on the mirror across my bedroom, my reflection staring back at me. I sought comfort in cracking my knuckles, the soft sounds of my knuckles cracking between my fingers made this situation more uncomfortable than before. I was dressed in loose, grey sweatpants and a white oversized shirt, hair clamped around my clammy face. I looked a mess. I dove my hands into my hair, fixing my long locks under my ears. I continued to look in my reflection knowing Daryl was still looking at me. I could see him looking at me through the corners of my eyes though I averted my gaze further away from his stare. He stared at my now covered arm and back up to my face, his eyes hardening. I didn’t need to look at him to tell he was upset.

 

“‘Yer lyin’.”

 

His eyes looked to my arms again, my heart twinged as his gaze burned my skin. I was scarred, and no bandages or medicine could fix the damage done to me. That monster had burned every detail into the back of my head and it was as if it always waited for me, to catch me at my most vulnerable and weak times. And it had this time like many times before.

My eyes shut tight. I could still feel him staring at my arms. I felt the sudden urgency to cover myself up more, to go hide, to go somewhere else, to be faraway from here-

 

“Hey-”

 

I felt his hands touch mine, his fingers wrapping around my hands. His hands were calloused, and large. My eyes looked at our touching hands and then up to meet his eyes, his expression softening.

 

“-it’s okay.”

 

He paused, thinking hard on what to say it seemed as he furrowed his brow.

 

“You don’t ‘havta tell me, but you’re okay now. I’m here.”

 

Yes, he was here now, but I could feel my heart twinge again with pain for I knew he wouldn’t always be here to pick up the broken pieces of me, to help me set myself back together. I felt tears start to form in the corners of my eyes, making an arduous amount of effort to not let them fall. I hated relying on others, the thought of not being capable on my own made me frustrated; frustrated at myself, frustrated that everything that had happened to me left a fresh wound physically and mentally, and frustrated that everyone saw me as fragile. Hell, even with Rick seeing me easily take out a hoard of walkers, he still thought I was incapable. That’s why he didn’t allow me past the walls. The small simmer of anger was now starting to increase, my thoughts were fueling the fire.

I knew a great deal of losing my fair share of people I cared about, and I knew that they all would eventually die or leave me any other way possible. I had made it my incentive to make myself strong while still in the works of putting the shattered pieces of myself together. I was my own problem. I needed to be okay with myself.

Daryl still looked into my eyes that didn’t meet his, the heat from his hands radiated onto mine, the warmth generating from him gave me some sort of comfort.

 

“I- ‘ya know I’m not much for words-”

 

His hands let go of mine and he settled them behind his back to lean against them for support. He looked anywhere but me now, his eyes shooting from above me, to beside me; anywhere away from me. His jaw was tense. I knew he was trying to find the right words- but it didn’t matter if he said something that wasn’t equivalent to what he wanted to say, it was the fact he was trying. For me. And I knew that.

 

“-but I-...”

 

His eyes looked into mine, his face softening.

 

“-but I know whatever you’re ‘goin through, whatever _happened_ to ‘ya, I know you’ll get through it-...”

 

He had a gentle smile that graced his lips and I was hanging onto his words still, smiling softly back at him.

 

“-and if- if you feel ‘ya can’t do it alone, I’m here.”

 

My heart beat wildly in my chest, the anger from before now diminished after his sweet words. My face grew a red hue once I noticed his specific wording. He then noticed too, his face growing redder than mine as he stumbled over his words, realising her had maybe said too much.

 

“I- I mean, ‘eryone out there cares for ‘ya, we’re all a family now. You’ll never have to feel like you’re on you’re own anymore.”

 

I smiled, a chuckle forming at the base of my throat. I leaned over the space between us to give him a hug, this time though, he didn’t tense up like earlier. He leaned into the hug, patting my back awkwardly as I now let the laugh escape from my lips. I understood he wasn’t someone to easily show his emotions nor express them or know how to reciprocate them, so I found myself special when he allowed me the privilege to get this close to him.

Still embracing him, I spoke to him in a whisper, my voice coming out almost unheard if he had been further away.

 

“Thank you, Daryl.”

 

I let go of him. His arms slowly retracted from my back, a small frown formed on his lips but quickly switched back to his normal, awkward half smile. I smiled at him and he nodded back to me.

 

“No problem.”

  
  
I looked out the window beside my bed, seeing the sun begin to set. It was starting to get dark. I looked over back at Daryl, not quite sure what to say now. What was I supposed to do? I didn’t mind talking to Daryl- I actually felt comfortable around him- but I didn’t feel like right now was the right time to explain myself. Though I could see in the near future that I could be able to open up to him, I only wish he’d do the same.

 

“Damn, how long did I sleep for?”

 

He stared back at me, my eyes not looking into his. I waited for a response from him, expecting him to say something back, but he didn’t. He had a fixed look into my eyes and I found myself stammering for something else to say to fill the awkward silence held between us now.

 

“It’s getting pretty dark now, how long was I out for…?”

 

I stifled an almost forced laugh. His gaze now looked down to my right arm again, the chilling feeling of his stare raced up my spine. I continued to stammer for something else to say- something else to occupy and fill the silence, to avoid his attention from my arms to something else- anything else. The unreadable expression on his face made me uneasy in the way I was unsure of what would happen next.

My left hand shot out to cover my right arm and I felt panic begin to spread throughout the rest of me, causing my heart to start hammering in my chest. I had only hoped he couldn’t hear it now as the room was still silent.

 

Then his voice pierced the silence, the low rumble in his throat sent shivers up my spine. His voice came out in a harsh whisper, his voice gravelly and rough.

 

“... I have ‘em too.”

 

His eyes stared down into the palms of his hands, his messy dark brown hair covering his eyes. If it hadn’t been so quiet, I would’ve never been able to hear his words. I tilted my head slightly, waiting for him to continue. He looked into my eyes. As I stared back into his, I saw a sudden darkness and hurt in them that looked all too familiar.

The vagueness in his words confused me. What did he have, “too”? Was he referring to-

 

“Scars. I have them, too.”

 

He finished my thought as my eyes slightly widened at his words.

His gaze didn’t leave mine, and I could tell he felt the need to explain himself, for whatever reason compelled him to do so. He reached out to my right arm, grasping it gently in both his hands. He started to move the fabric of my sleeves up my arms. A rush of panic rose over me as I tried moving the sleeve over my arms but his hands stopped me. He gave me a glance before continuing to slide up the material of my shirt.

My right arm now laid exposed to him, my heart thumping in my chest. Every single thought I had now told me to run, to hide- to cover myself entirely to hide my skin away from his gaze.

He let go of my arm. He reached down to the bottom hems of his denim jacket and moved out of them. He began unbuttoning the buttons of his brown sleeveless undershirt. My cheeks felt warm. What the hell was he doing?

 

“Daryl, what’re-”

 

“These are from other people.”

 

My breath hitched in my throat as I stared at him. He was shirtless now. The warmth of my cheeks was no longer there as I stared at his scar covered chest. My heart sunk at the sight. There were numerous scars on his torso, most of them healed.The bruises on his ribs were dark. His chest was heaving up and down, his breathing rapidly increasing. He stood up on the bed and turned his back towards me.

My body went cold. His back was riddled with many scars, all varying in sizes and width. Most of the scars on his back seemed to overlap with another scar, forming one big grouping of deep marks along his spine.

 

“These… are from my dad.”

 

“Daryl, I...”

 

“He used to beat me…”

 

He then sat back down in front of me and faced me now, a somber expression on his face. I could see the way it had affected him, even if he hadn’t said much. With what happened to him, I could easily see it had haunted him up until now. Daryl looked at my face, his eyes shifting from the ground to me. I looked at my scar covered arm. I felt ashamed of my scars, they were a constant reminder of what I had been through and that was a memory I wanted to forget but couldn’t. Those memories had stayed with me since the beginning, so how did Daryl do it? How was he able to get so far up till now?

 

“Ophelia,”

 

I looked up from my arm. I looked at him, my heart rapidly beating in my chest. The way he looked at me…

 

“You don’t ‘havta be ashamed of ‘em.”

 

Tears suddenly welled up in my eyes.

 

_No- I can’t let him see me-_

 

My vision was blurred by my tears.

 

“You’re one of the two people to have seen ‘em.”

 

Another jab to my heart. I felt guilty. He had experienced such a terrible past, yet showed the vulnerable parts of himself to me. He willingly showed me his scars, and I had rejected the thought of him seeing mine. The guilt that washed over me now drowned me, and I found myself suffocating under the weight of it all. I looked down at my right arm again. I pulled the soft fabric up my arm further, exposing my bicep. More scars stretched up from my elbow; thin cuts, thick cuts, long cuts, short cuts- scars of different lengths and sizes covered my arms. The discoloration and difference in color from my skin and the scars was a major difference of a lighter color in the scars. The scars were white, a clashing color with my tanned skin.

The tears I had so desperately wanted to keep back now rolled down my cheeks. The cold feeling of my tears rolling down my cheeks clashed with the warmth on my face.

 

“I… I’m ashamed of them, Daryl.”

 

He looked up at me, loose pieces of hair framed his face.

 

“Why?”

 

“I-...”

 

How could I phrase it? I was ashamed of these scars that reminded me of the pain, the humiliation- I didn’t want my words to turn against me and hurt him. If I was ashamed of my scars and told him, he would take it as if I thought his scars were hideous. It pained me to hear he experience his father beating him, and I could relate to someone close hurting me. But when I had seen his scars…

 

_They’re beautiful._

 

I didn’t want him to think I found them ugly; I thought the exact opposite.

 

He stared at me. He had his hands behind him as he leaned against them for support. This world was ugly, and when it had all ended, I had lost all hope of things ever returning to the way it was. But when I had met Daryl, it was as if that lost hope was restored. Yes, he swore more than I did- which was a lot- and he was someone who used his fists before his words, but he was a man who had grown to strive to protect his family, and he had fought for all of us multiple times when he could have easily survived on his own. I found myself finding his scars beautiful while seeing mine as hideous. 

Cold tears continued to run down my face. I felt a hand rub the tears away from my cheeks. I looked up. My eyes met Daryl’s. I found myself speaking before my conscience would catch up.

 

“You’re beautiful.”

  
  
My hands reached out to grasp his face, pulling it closer to mine. He leaned in, grabbing my back and pulling me closer to him. I softly pressed my lips against his. His lips were soft and firm, and I found myself pushing him back as he deepened the kiss. He now fell back on the bed, and I straddled his waist. I looked into his eyes, my tears still forming at the corners of my eyes. He took his hands off my back and leaned himself on one arm to keep his back slightly off the bed while his other hand wiped away my tears again.

He looked me in the eyes again and I found myself looking back into his, admiring the mixture of blue and green and flecks of brown in the pools of his eyes. He suddenly leaned my back against the bed and I was underneath him now, and I found myself vulnerable under his heated gaze. He opened his mouth to speak, his words igniting a fire I didn’t know was there.

 

“I want you.”

 

Heat pooled at my legs as he kissed me again, this time feeling a sudden urgency in this kiss. This kiss felt more rough, and desperate. His tongue snaked it’s way into my mouth and I moaned. All of this felt too much- all of this was everything I didn’t know I wanted. I wanted him. I wanted Daryl for all he was; for all his scars and his rash nature. I wanted him. And it made me feel relief and it wrapped itself around the unease I had felt before. We both gasped for air, slightly moving away from each other. I heaved for air, my chest falling and rising in a haste to regain my composure and continue from where we left off. He spoke, his question throwing me off from the course of our intimacy.

 

“I want you; but do you want me?”

 

My heart fluttered. I found myself suddenly bursting into laughter. I found all of this funny. Had he thought I _didn’t_ want him? After what we had just done, he would think that his feelings weren’t reciprocated? He stared at me, his face red.

 

“So… you _don’t_ want me?”

 

I felt another burst of laughter escape me. Maybe I was hysterical, but I found myself laughing to the point my stomach began to hurt. I laughed at the irony of it all. I had been sad minutes before all this, and I had been _extremely_ turned on seconds before all this. And now, I was laughing. All of this seemed to be one giant mood swing of emotion, but I definitely did not regret kissing Daryl. He was on of the people I cared for deeply, and it seemed he felt the same way.

I rolled him beside me and leaned on my side to face him, chuckling.

 

“You old man, of course I _want_ you. Why would I kiss you, dummy?”

 

I shoved his shoulder lightly. He frowned.

 

“I don’t know. I was kinda thinking ‘ya didn’t since ‘ya laughed…”

 

I smiled and caressed his face in the palms of my hands.

 

“Dummy. You’re one hell of an observant guy, but when it comes to shit like this…”

 

I squeezed his cheeks between my fingers and he grimaced.

 

“You can’t figure me out, huh? You don’t know squat shit ‘bout girls, huh?”

 

His frowned deepened and my smile widened.

 

“Well, there’s a reason I don’t care ‘much ‘bout girls.”

 

I smiled. My hands moved their way down to his neck, resting my thumb against his jaw.

 

“Why’s that? You’ve had your eyes on some of the guys?”

 

I laughed loudly. He shook his head firmly and he nudged my shoulder. I looked at him and I thought the sight of him as priceless now as he looked horrified at my question.

 

“Oh hell no. I ain’t looking to fuck one of those pretty boys.”

 

“Oh? ‘Pretty’ boys? Hm, seems like I have competition.”

 

“What-? No! Damnit, Opal.”

 

I raised my eyebrow at him, a smile still dancing on my lips as I spoke.

 

“Opal? Where’dya get that from?”

 

He shrugged as he laid on his back, scooting closer towards me.

 

“Dunno, ‘thought about a nickname for ‘ya while I was out. Something short. Something quick to say.”

 

I laid closer next to him my body still turned sideways. My chest was leaned up against his shoulders.

 

“Awe, that’s sweet of you. Nice’ta know you were thinking about me.”

 

His face reddened. I found myself liking this look on him; all flustered and close to me.

 

“Well, it was hard not to.”

 

He sideways glanced at me and smirked. I felt my face get warmer. I leaned my head against his chest, my arms laying across his midsection. I shifted my head to lean into the crook of his neck. I felt myself relaxing near him. He smelled of fresh grass and trees, of wood chips and coffee. My eyes widened.

 

_How in the hell does he smell like coffee…?_

 

“Why do you smell like coffee?”

 

“Well, Rick talked to me today ‘nd gave me some of the coffee we found on a run a while back. ‘Said he wanted me to share it with you.”

 

I looked up at him and he gazed down at me.

 

“And…?”

 

When was the last time that I had coffee? The thought of having a warm cup of black coffee sent goosebumps up my arms and I closed my eyes, thinking of a fresh, hot, bitter cup of-

 

“I made some downstairs.”

 

My eyes shot open. I looked up at him again.

 

“Why downstairs?”

 

“Well, you know how Rick wanted to talk to me today?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That’s what he talked ‘bout to me.”

 

“... He wanted you to make coffee at my place?”

 

Daryl shook his head.

 

“Nah- well… kinda? I mentioned to him before that you’ere stressed out. So that’s why he gave me the coffee we found earlier, said that ‘ya deserved it, that a ‘hot cup of coffee would do ‘ya good.’”

 

I smiled as I nuzzled closer into him. Sure, Rick royally pissed me off when he had banned me from runs, but I knew he was only thinking of my safety. I would eventually question him about it, but for now, I would leave it for a better day. Maybe a day where I would sit him down with some of the others and we could all have some coffee. Or wine- if they found any, which I hoped for. God, I needed a hot cup of coffee.

 

“I’ll make sure to thank him.”

“Yeah. I came back from my talk with Rick after he gave me it, and I came back here. I called out to you, but then I remembered you had said you were taking a nap, so I just started making some coffee to surprise you. But you took a long time, and I tried calling out to you from the kitchen.”

 

He looked up at the ceiling and I found myself looking up at the white ceiling above us.

 

“You didn’t respond. I was worried, so I made my way up here to check on you. The door was open, and…”

 

He trailed off, his eyes darkening.

 

“... You were screaming. You were tossing in your sleep…”

 

I felt his eyes staring into mine, but I continued to look at the ceiling, waiting for him to continue.

 

“You- you had your hands clawing at your throat…”

 

His gaze shifted to my throat. Realization hit me.

 

_That’s why my throat had hurt… God. All of it felt so real._

 

“... I woke you up once I saw you’ere… having a nightmare.”

 

I met his gaze, my eyes softening at the reluctant look in his eyes.

 

“Thank you.”

 

I leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. His cheek was warm, a redder shade than usual.

 

“‘Was no problem. I wasn’t sure though if I should’ve… I know I always want to be waken up from mine.”

 

“Thank you, truly.”

 

He hooked an arm over my stomach as he brought himself even closer to me. We both yawned at the same time. I pulled the blankets over us, the warmth making me sigh into the embrace of him and the warm blanket. This was nice; having Daryl beside me.

 

“‘Mind if I sleep here?”

 

He seemed to be trying to move out of the blankets but I stopped him as I grasped his shoulder, pulling him back into the warm sheets of the bed.

 

“‘So’kay, just lay here… with… yawn… me?”

 

He nodded, resting his head against mine. My limbs tangled into his, his hands intertwined with mine. I kissed his lips lightly before snuggling myself into the crook of his neck, sighing softly as I closed my eyes.

  
The nights were always cold, but with Daryl beside me, I knew I would find those unbearable nights more comforting. Whatever Daryl and I had, I knew we both cared for each other. Whatever _this_ was, it was worth trying. And that’s all that mattered as I drifted into slumber.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Fluff in this chapter <3 But I tried not rushing any scene because I want this story to be gradually getting better and I'm trying not to rush any scenes I definitely want to be perfected as much as I can! I hope you enjoyed and if you can, I would love it if you could comment any suggestions or your thoughts on this chapter! <3 Have a safe and fabulous day!

**Author's Note:**

> The first few chapters are mostly going to be through Ophelia's perspective, but I'll make it very clear when it's through her view point or otherwise *Oh geez, I have so many grammatical errors in this chapter so please forgive me, I'll make sure to take extra care into the next one! Id also appreciate your feedback! Well, until next time! Have a safe and fabulous day!


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